Thursday, June 4, 2009

Well, it's been the longest day, and we are just getting started. Dad called this morning to say he was sick (he's doing chemo). Kevin went to check on him only to find that he needed an ambulance. So, once he was picked up, we packed up the kids and went to sit at the hospital to find out what was going on. I probably could have just stayed home with the kids (it would have been a little less irritating to everyone) but I really felt like I needed to be there for Kevin. He's handling this like a trooper, but I know he needs me to be there for him and dad. We were there only about three hours before they decided to keep him for a couple of days. White count is low, severe anemia and blood loss (although no one knows where it has bee lost to). I will call to check on him later.
I am feeling horribly guilty about the situation; like on the verge of tears. I just feel like I should have known, I mean I just talked to him yesterday. It's hard being the daughter in law. I don't want to be an annoying presence, but I know I need to check on him frequently. My solution was to call at least twice a day to check on him (after all he has me on speed dial if he needs anything at all). He sounded ok yesterday. He was admittedly tired and nauseous, which is definitely side effects, and cold. However, he was laughing a little and joking and we were talking about food. Kevin says I couldn't have known and it wasn't my fault; it just doesn't feel that way. I'm not sure where all this horrible guilt that I constantly suffer from stems, but it has been crippling more than a few times in my life. Oh well, I will be going over to dad's house today to clean things up from this morning and make sure it is presentable and smells nice. I also plan to make a few of his favorite soups and stock the freezer while he is gone. Kevin also said something about how he needed to clean the ramp to the porch up in case this happens again; I'm thinking I'll get the kids to help me with that, if I have enough time.
As for the rest of life, the kids are driving me nuts and so is summer school. Cost me nothing, my rear! Oh well, we are rolling with it all. I am just trying to gain some sort of control over everything. It's a slow process as I just let it go for too long.
Well, I am off to start my too big list of chores for the day. More to come later.

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